Monday, August 18, 2014

Why Dating, Courting, And Generally Just Finding Someone To Marry Are Fundamentally Flawed

Because there are sinful people involved. Yep.

(Written in response to this article and its waves.)

But in seriousness, there are many ways men marry women, and one is not more fundamentally flawed than another. Dating, courtship, arranged marriages and betrothals - all have worked to produce both good, godly, and bad marriages. The whole thing itself always has been a mystery. But God is the one that brings couples He wants together, ultimately.

"Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord."
Proverbs 18:22

“There be three things which are too wonderful for me, Yea, four which I know not: The way of an eagle in the air; The way of a serpent upon a rock; The way of a ship in the midst of the sea; And the way of a man with a maid” 
Proverbs 30:18–19

About the article itself, it does make good points, but is overshadowed by bad observations and assumptions. I wouldn't say I wholeheartedly support his recommendation for traditional dating or condemnation purely on his grounds.

There are many Biblical principles that can be applied to any system of marrying. Particularly these important ones:
"Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?"
2 Corinthians 6:14
Principle #1: Christians should marry Christians.

"Can two walk together, except they be agreed?"
Amos 3:3
Principle #2: Christians should marry Christians whom they agree with. Whether in theology, finances, children, etc.

There are more principles.

Rather than prescribing a system to marry or challenging the article's points, I will address what the article calls the problem: high divorce rates (presumably among homeschoolers, Christian homeschoolers that is).

The Bible is clear that fornication before marriage and adultery (which counts as fornication if it is practiced consistently and not repented on) after marriage is forbidden. Guess what? Those two things are the only things that the Bible allows for divorce.

"And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery."
Matthew 19:9

So, to keep a good marriage, avoid those things. But enough about the negative, there are positive things to avoid divorce and have a loving marriage, whatever system of marrying you used. Such as:
"21 Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.
22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband."
Ephesians 5

Really, what I'm trying to say is, if you want to avoid high divorce rates, teach unmarried couples to apply Biblical principles to their pursuit and  married couples to have good marriages before and after they get married.

1 comment:

  1. I'm not sure that marriage principles here address the concerns that aging singles in the line of courtship are struggling with, but I do appreciate your effort to return to the Bible for answers.