I like most girls.
I have many friends that are girls.
I really like some girls.
I really, really liked a few girls.
I only love one girl.
I have never had a girlfriend.
I have asked out many girls to dance.
They all said "yes".
I've only asked out girls for a banquet thrice.
They all said "no".
I only had two dates in my life.
We were just as friends.
I thought she was the one. No, she is the one.
We're just acquaintances now. Almost strangers, but not quite.
No one. I have no one.
I never really knew where I stood with her. Who is she to me? Who am I to her? I. Don't. Know.
I think all that I am is an annoyance to her. That I really don't mean anything to her. That I just imagined I might have meant something. But not really. Maybe, I have meant something, just not in the way I thought I did.
I asked her out once. I don't think I'll ever do it again. I felt like I wasn't wanted there. She sounded like she wanted to be anywhere but there where I was. That's why I ran. So she wouldn't have to be anywhere near me.
I tried to be just a friend to her. But I can't. She can't as well.
When I look at her, I see all my failures. When I look at her, I miss her even more. So close, and yet so unreachable.
And I still am running.
Why do I pour out my heart on these blog posts?
Because I want to, that's why. And the majority of the readers won't know the details.
So you are left to ponder.
Only God can bring this soul to peace, this longing heart to hope.