Sunday, September 8, 2013

Musings About Girls and Various Things Like That

Musing #1:

I like most girls.

I have many friends that are girls.

I really like some girls.

I really, really liked a few girls.

I only love one girl.

I have never had a girlfriend.

Musing #2:
I have asked out many girls to dance.

They all said "yes".

I've only asked out girls for a banquet thrice.

They all said "no".

I only had two dates in my life.

We were just as friends.

I thought she was the one. No, she is the one.

We're just acquaintances now. Almost strangers, but not quite.

No one. I have no one.

I never really knew where I stood with her. Who is she to me? Who am I to her? I. Don't. Know.

Musing #3:
I think all that I am is an annoyance to her. That I really don't mean anything to her. That I just imagined I might have meant something. But not really. Maybe, I have meant something, just not in the way I thought I did.
I asked her out once. I don't think I'll ever do it again. I felt like I wasn't wanted there. She sounded like she wanted to be anywhere but there where I was. That's why I ran. So she wouldn't have to be anywhere near me.
I tried to be just a friend to her. But I can't. She can't as well.
When I look at her, I see all my failures. When I look at her, I miss her even more. So close, and yet so unreachable.
And I still am running.

Musings #4:
Why do I pour out my heart on these blog posts?

Because I want to, that's why. And the majority of the readers won't know the details.

So you are left to ponder.

Musings #5:
Only God can bring this soul to peace, this longing heart to hope.

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